W;t Read online

  * * *

  (In a burst of activity, the hospital scene is created.)

  VIVIAN: The attention was flattering. For the first five minutes. Now I know how poems feel.

  (SUSIE MONAHAN, VIVIAN’s primary nurse, gives VIVIAN her chart, then puts her in a wheelchair and takes her to her first appointment: chest x-ray. This and all other diagnostic tests are suggested by light and sound.)

  TECHNICIAN 1: Name.

  VIVIAN: My name? Vivian Bearing.

  TECHNICIAN 1: Huh?

  VIVIAN: Bearing. B-E-A-R-I-N-G. Vivian. V-I-V-I-A-N.

  TECHNICIAN 1: Doctor.

  VIVIAN: Yes, I have a Ph.D.

  TECHNICIAN 1: Your doctor.

  VIVIAN: Oh. Dr. Harvey Kelekian.

  (TECHNICIAN 1 positions her so that she is leaning forward and embracing the metal plate, then steps offstage.)

  VIVIAN: I am a doctor of philosophy—

  TECHNICIAN 1: (From offstage) Take a deep breath, and hold it. (Pause, with light and sound) Okay.

  VIVIAN: —a scholar of seventeenth-century poetry.

  TECHNICIAN 1: (From offstage) Turn sideways, arms behind your head, and hold it. (Pause) Okay.

  VIVIAN: I have made an immeasurable contribution to the discipline of English literature. (TECHNICIAN 1 returns and puts her in the wheelchair.) I am, in short, a force.

  (TECHNICIAN 1 rolls her to upper GI series, where TECHNICIAN 2 picks up.)

  TECHNICIAN 2: Name.

  VIVIAN: Lucy, Countess of Bedford.

  TECHNICIAN 2: (Checking a printout) I don’t see it here.

  VIVIAN: My name is Vivian Bearing. B-E-A-R-I-N-G. Dr. Kelekian is my doctor.

  TECHNICIAN 2: Okay. Lie down. (TECHNICIAN 2 positions her on a stretcher and leaves. Light and sound suggest the filming.)

  VIVIAN: After an outstanding undergraduate career, I studied with Professor E. M. Ashford for three years, during which time I learned by instruction and example what it means to be a scholar of distinction.

  As her research fellow, my principal task was the alphabetizing of index cards for Ashford’s monumental critical edition of Donne’s Devotions upon Emergent Occasions.

  (During the procedure, another TECHNICIAN takes the wheelchair away.)

  I am thanked in the preface: “Miss Vivian Bearing for her able assistance.”

  My dissertation, “Ejaculations in Seventeenth-Century Manuscript and Printed Editions of the Holy Sonnets: A Comparison,” was revised for publication in the Journal of English Texts, a very prestigious venue for a first appearance.

  TECHNICIAN 2: Where’s your wheelchair?

  VIVIAN: I do not know. I was busy just now.

  TECHNICIAN 2: Well, how are you going to get out of here?

  VIVIAN: Well, I do not know. Perhaps you would like me to stay.

  TECHNICIAN 2: I guess I got to go find you a chair.

  VIVIAN: (Sarcastically) Don’t inconvenience yourself on my behalf. (TECHNICIAN 2 leaves to get a wheelchair.)

  My second article, a classic explication of Donne’s sonnet “Death be not proud,” was published in Critical Discourse.

  The success of the essay prompted the University Press to solicit a volume on the twelve Holy Sonnets in the 1633 edition, which I produced in the remarkably short span of three years. My book, entitled Made Cunningly, remains an immense success, in paper as well as cloth.

  In it, I devote one chapter to a thorough examination of each sonnet, discussing every word in extensive detail.

  (TECHNICIAN 2 returns with a wheelchair.)

  TECHNICIAN 2: Here.

  VIVIAN: I summarize previous critical interpretations of the text and offer my own analysis. It is exhaustive.

  (TECHNICIAN 2 deposits her at CT scan.)

  Bearing. B-E-A-R-I-N-G. Kelekian.

  (TECHNICIAN 3 has VIVIAN lie down on a metal stretcher. Light and sound suggest the procedure.)

  TECHNICIAN 3: Here. Hold still.

  VIVIAN: For how long?

  TECHNICIAN 3: Just a little while. (TECHNICIAN 3 leaves. Silence)

  VIVIAN: The scholarly study of poetic texts requires a capacity for scrupulously detailed examination, particularly the poetry of John Donne.

  The salient characteristic of the poems is wit: “Itchy outbreaks of far-fetched wit,” as Donne himself said.

  To the common reader—that is to say, the undergraduate with a B-plus or better average—wit provides an invaluable exercise for sharpening the mental faculties, for stimulating the flash of comprehension that can only follow hours of exacting and seemingly pointless scrutiny.

  (TECHNICIAN 3 puts VIVIAN back in the wheelchair and wheels her toward the unit. Partway, TECHNICIAN 3 gives the chair a shove and SUSIE MONAHAN, VIVIAN’s primary nurse, takes over. SUSIE rolls VIVIAN to the exam room.)

  To the scholar, to the mind comprehensively trained in the subtleties of seventeenth-century vocabulary, versification, and theological, historical, geographical, political, and mythological allusions, Donne’s wit is … a way to see how good you really are.

  After twenty years, I can say with confidence, no one is quite as good as I.

  (By now, SUSIE has helped VIVIAN sit on the exam table. DR. JASON POSNER, clinical fellow, stands in the doorway.)

  JASON: Ah, Susie?

  SUSIE: Oh, hi.

  JASON: Ready when you are.

  SUSIE: Okay. Go ahead. Ms. Bearing, this is Jason Posner. He’s going to do your history, ask you a bunch of questions. He’s Dr. Kelekian’s fellow.

  (SUSIE is busy in the room, setting up for the exam.)

  JASON: Hi, Professor Bearing. I’m Dr. Posner, clinical fellow in the medical oncology branch, working with Dr. Kelekian.

  Professor Bearing, I, ah, I was an undergraduate at the U. I took your course in seventeenth-century poetry.

  VIVIAN: You did?

  JASON: Yes. I thought it was excellent.

  VIVIAN: Thank you. Were you an English major?

  JASON: No. Biochemistry. But you can’t get into medical school unless you’re well-rounded. And I made a bet with myself that I could get an A in the three hardest courses on campus.

  SUSIE: Howdjya do, Jace?

  JASON: Success.

  VIVIAN: (Doubtful) Really?

  JASON: A minus. It was a very tough course. (To SUSIE) I’ll call you.

  SUSIE: Okay. (She leaves.)

  JASON: I’ll just pull this over. (He gets a little stool on wheels.) Get the proxemics right here. There. (Nervously) Good. Now. I’m going to be taking your history. It’s a medical interview, and then I give you an exam.

  VIVIAN: I believe Dr. Kelekian has already done that.

  JASON: Well, I know, but Dr. Kelekian wants me to do it, too. Now. I’ll be taking a few notes as we go along.

  VIVIAN: Very well.

  JASON: Okay. Let’s get started. How are you feeling today?

  VIVIAN: Fine, thank you.

  JASON: Good. How is your general health?

  VIVIAN: Fine.

  JASON: Excellent. Okay. We know you are an academic.

  VIVIAN: Yes, we’ve established that.

  JASON: So we don’t need to talk about your interesting work.

  VIVIAN: No.

  (The following questions and answers go extremely quickly.)

  JASON: How old are you?

  VIVIAN: Fifty.

  JASON: Are you married?

  VIVIAN: No.

  JASON: Are your parents living?

  VIVIAN: No.

  JASON: How and when did they die?

  VIVIAN: My father, suddenly, when I was twenty, of a heart attack. My mother, slowly, when I was forty-one and forty-two, of cancer. Breast cancer.

  JASON: Cancer?

  VIVIAN: Breast cancer.

  JASON: I see. Any siblings?

  VIVIAN: No.

  JASON: Do you have any questions so far?

  VIVIAN: Not so far.

  JASON: Well, that about does it for your life history.

  VI
VIAN: Yes, that’s all there is to my life history.

  JASON: Now I’m going to ask you about your past medical history. Have you ever been hospitalized?

  VIVIAN: I had my tonsils out when I was eight.

  JASON: Have you ever been pregnant?

  VIVIAN: No.

  JASON: Ever had heart murmurs? High blood pressure?

  VIVIAN: No.

  JASON: Stomach, liver, kidney problems?

  VIVIAN: No.

  JASON: Venereal diseases? Uterine infections?

  VIVIAN: No.

  JASON: Thyroid, diabetes, cancer?

  VIVIAN: No—cancer, yes.

  JASON: When?

  VIVIAN: Now.

  JASON: Well, not including now.

  VIVIAN: In that case, no.

  JASON: Okay. Clinical depression? Nervous breakdowns? Suicide attempts?

  VIVIAN: No.

  JASON: Do you smoke?

  VIVIAN: No.

  JASON: Ethanol?

  VIVIAN: I’m sorry?

  JASON: Alcohol.

  VIVIAN: Oh. Ethanol. Yes, I drink wine.

  JASON: How much? How often?

  VIVIAN: A glass with dinner occasionally. And perhaps a Scotch every now and then.

  JASON: Do you use substances?

  VIVIAN: Such as.

  JASON: Marijuana, cocaine, crack cocaine, PCP, ecstasy, poppers—

  VIVIAN: No.

  JASON: Do you drink caffeinated beverages?

  VIVIAN: Oh, yes!

  JASON: Which ones?

  VIVIAN: Coffee. A few cups a day.

  JASON: How many?

  VIVIAN: Two … to six. But I really don’t think that’s immoderate—

  JASON: How often do you undergo routine medical checkups?

  VIVIAN: Well, not as often as I should, probably, but I’ve felt fine, I really have.

  JASON: So the answer is?

  VIVIAN: Every three to … five years.

  JASON: What do you do for exercise?

  VIVIAN: Pace.

  JASON: Are you having sexual relations?

  VIVIAN: Not at the moment.

  JASON: Are you pre- or post-menopausal?

  VIVIAN: Pre.

  JASON: When was the first day of your last period?

  VIVIAN: Ah, ten days—two weeks ago.

  JASON: Okay. When did you first notice your present complaint?

  VIVIAN: This time, now?

  JASON: Yes.

  VIVIAN: Oh, about four months ago. I felt a pain in my stomach, in my abdomen, like a cramp, but not the same.

  JASON: How did it feel?

  VIVIAN: Like a cramp.

  JASON: But not the same?

  VIVIAN: No, duller, and stronger. I can’t describe it.

  JASON: What came next?

  VIVIAN: Well, I just, I don’t know, I started noticing my body, little things. I would be teaching, and feel a sharp pain.

  JASON: What kind of pain?

  VIVIAN: Sharp, and sudden. Then it would go away. Or I would be tired. Exhausted. I was working on a major project, the article on John Donne for The Oxford Encyclopedia of English Literature. It was a great honor. But I had a very strict deadline.

  JASON: So you would say you were under stress?

  VIVIAN: It wasn’t so much more stress than usual, I just couldn’t withstand it this time. I don’t know.

  JASON: So?

  VIVIAN: So I went to Dr. Chin, my gynecologist, after I had turned in the article, and explained all this. She examined me, and sent me to Jefferson the internist, and he sent me to Kelekian because he thought I might have a tumor.

  JASON: And that’s it?

  VIVIAN: Till now.

  JASON: Hmmm. Well, that’s very interesting.

  (Nervous pause)

  Well, I guess I’ll start the examination. It’ll only take a few minutes. Why don’t you, um, sort of lie back, and—oh—relax.

  (He helps her lie back on the table, raises the stirrups out of the table, raises her legs and puts them in the stirrups, and puts a paper sheet over her.)

  Be very relaxed. This won’t hurt. Let me get this sheet. Okay. Just stay calm. Okay. Put your feet in these stirrups. Okay. Just. There. Okay? Now. Oh, I have to go get Susie. Got to have a girl here. Some crazy clinical rule. Um. I’ll be right back. Don’t move.

  (JASON leaves. Long pause. He is seen walking quickly back and forth in the hall, and calling SUSIE’s name as he goes by.)

  VIVIAN: (To herself) I wish I had given him an A. (Silence)

  Two times one is two.

  Two times two is four.

  Two times three is six.

  Um.

  Oh.

  Death be not proud, though some have called thee

  Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not soe,

  For, those, whom thou think’st, thou dost overthrow,

  Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill mee …

  JASON: (In the hallway) Has anybody seen Susie?

  VIVIAN: (Losing her place for a second) Ah.

  Thou’art slave to Fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,

  And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,

  And poppie,’ or charmes can make us sleepe as well,

  And better than thy stroake; why swell’st thou then?

  JASON: (In the hallway) She was here just a minute ago.

  VIVIAN:

  One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,

  And death shall be no more—comma—Death thou shalt die.

  (JASON and SUSIE return.)

  JASON: Okay. Here’s everything. Okay.

  SUSIE: What is this? Why did you leave her—

  JASON: (To SUSIE) I had to find you. Now, come on. (To VIVIAN) We’re ready, Professor Bearing. (To himself, as he puts on exam gloves) Get these on. Okay. Just lift this up. Ooh. Okay. (As much to himself as to her) Just relax. (He begins the pelvic exam, with one hand on her abdomen and the other inside her, looking blankly at the ceiling as he feels around.) Okay. (Silence) Susie, isn’t that interesting, that I had Professor Bearing.

  SUSIE: Yeah. I wish I had taken some literature. I don’t know anything about poetry.

  JASON: (Trying to be casual) Professor Bearing was very highly regarded on campus. It looked very good on my transcript that I had taken her course. (Silence) They even asked me about it in my interview for med school— (He feels the mass and does a double take.) Jesus! (Tense silence. He is amazed and fascinated.)

  SUSIE: What?

  VIVIAN: What?

  JASON: Um. (He tries for composure.) Yeah. I survived Bearing’s course. No problem. Heh. (Silence) Yeah, John Donne, those metaphysical poets, that metaphysical wit. Hardest poetry in the English department. Like to see them try biochemistry. (Silence) Okay. We’re about done. Okay. That’s it. Okay, Professor Bearing. Let’s take your feet out, there. (He takes off his gloves and throws them away.) Okay. I gotta go. I gotta go.

  (JASON quickly leaves. VIVIAN slowly gets up from this scene and walks stiffly away. SUSIE cleans up the exam room and exits.)

  * * *

  VIVIAN: (Walking downstage to audience) That … was … hard. That … was …

  One thing can be said for an eight-month course of cancer treatment: it is highly educational. I am learning to suffer.

  Yes, it is mildly uncomfortable to have an electrocardiogram, but the … agony … of a proctosigmoidoscopy sweeps it from memory. Yes, it was embarrassing to have to wear a nightgown all day long—two nightgowns!—but that seemed like a positive privilege compared to watching myself go bald. Yes, having a former student give me a pelvic exam was thoroughly degrading—and I use the term deliberately—but I could not have imagined the depths of humiliation that—

  Oh, God— (VIVIAN runs across the stage to her hospital room, dives onto the bed, and throws up into a large plastic washbasin.) Oh, God. Oh. Oh. (She lies slumped on the bed, fastened to the IV, which now includes a small bottle with a bright orange label.) Oh, God. It can’t be.
(Silence) Oh, God. Please. Steady. Steady. (Silence) Oh—Oh, no! (She throws up again, moans, and retches in agony.) Oh, God. What’s left? I haven’t eaten in two days. What’s left to puke?

  You may remark that my vocabulary has taken a turn for the Anglo-Saxon.

  God, I’m going to barf my brains out.

  (She begins to relax.) If I actually did barf my brains out, it would be a great loss to my discipline. Of course, not a few of my colleagues would be relieved. To say nothing of my students.

  It’s not that I’m controversial. Just uncompromising. Ooh— (She lunges for the basin. Nothing) Oh. (Silence) False alarm. If the word went round that Vivian Bearing had barfed her brains out …

  Well, first my colleagues, most of whom are my former students, would scramble madly for my position. Then their consciences would flare up, so to honor my memory they would put together a collection of their essays about John Donne. The volume would begin with a warm introduction, capturing my most endearing qualities. It would be short. But sweet.

  Published and perished.

  Now, watch this. I have to ring the bell (She presses the button on the bed) to get someone to come and measure this emesis, and record the amount on a chart of my intake and output. This counts as output.

  (SUSIE enters.)

  SUSIE: (Brightly) How you doing, Ms. Bearing? You having some nausea?

  VIVIAN: (Weakly) Uhh, yes.

  SUSIE: Why don’t I take that? Here.

  VIVIAN: It’s about 300 cc’s.

  SUSIE: That all?

  VIVIAN: It was very hard work.

  (SUSIE takes the basin to the bathroom and rinses it.)

  SUSIE: Yup. Three hundred. Good guess. (She marks the graph.) Okay. Anything else I can get for you? Some Jell-O or anything?

  VIVIAN: Thank you, no.

  SUSIE: You okay all by yourself here?

  VIVIAN: Yes.

  SUSIE: You’re not having a lot of visitors, are you?

  VIVIAN: (Correcting) None, to be precise.

  SUSIE: Yeah, I didn’t think so. Is there somebody you want me to call for you?

  VIVIAN: That won’t be necessary.

  SUSIE: Well, I’ll just pop my head in every once in a while to see how you’re coming along. Kelekian and the fellows should be in soon. (She touches VIVIAN’s arm.) If there’s anything you need, you just ring.

  VIVIAN: (Uncomfortable with kindness) Thank you.

  SUSIE: Okay. Just call. (SUSIE disconnects the IV bottle with the orange label and takes it with her as she leaves. VIVIAN lies still. Silence)